Didn’t Age Well: HBO Max Is Pulling The Episode Of ‘Friends’ Where Chandler Unhinges His Jaw And Emits One Million Metric Tons Of Carbon Pollution (headline and article)

Devastating: This Biographer Spent 40 Years Studying General Patton When All It Takes To Write A Book Is To Just Make Shit Up About Elves (article)

Prove It: If You’re Really As Anti-Capitalism As You Say, Surely You’ll Have No Problem Mooning The Monopoly Man (headline)

LIVE UPDATES: The Dalai Lama Is At Spencer’s Looking At All The Lava Lamps (headline)

Incredibly Gifted: This 8th Grader Is So Horny His Teachers Let Him Take Sex Ed At The High School Level (article)

Classic Mistake: Grandma Took An Early Evening Nap And Now She’s Too Awake To Die Peacefully In Her Sleep (headline)

A Bit Underwhelming: Universal Studios Just Announced Its Only New Attraction This Year Is A Yellow Slide With ‘Mr. Krabs’ Written On It (article)

PR Nightmare: All Of Tesla's Self-Driving Cars Have Driven To The Edge Of A Cliff To Egg On A Self-Driving Car That Is About To Drive Off (article)

Every Father Looks Forward To The Day He Can Grind With His Second Wife To ‘Love Shack’ At His Daughter’s Wedding (headline)

6 Signs You’re The Only One Of The Bank Hostages Not Invited To Chili’s Afterwards (headline)

Innovation FTW! Toyota Is Printing Dick Van Dyke’s Face On Their Airbags So That If You Get In An Accident It Looks Like Dick Van Dyke Is Bursting Out Of Your Steering Wheel To Kiss You (article)

5 Tokyo Buildings Godzilla Spared Because He Was Considering Having His Bar Mitzvah There (headline)

Score! This Woman Got a Stray Onion Ring in Her Lexapro Prescription (headline and article)

How to Avoid Well-Trodden Tropes During Roleplay (headline)

I LIVED IT: I Watched 50 Harry Styles Reels and Now the Instagram Algorithm Thinks I Like Harry Styles (headline)

Uncle Has Weed Pen This Year (headline)

4 Raincoats That Say, ‘You’re on Your Own, Lower Half’ (headline and article)

New Evidence Reveals ‘The Last Supper’ Was More of a Small Bites Thing (headline)

Hero! This Woman Ran Inside a Burning Building to Silence the Smoke Detector (headline)

Mom Wants to Know When You’re Moving Home for Christmas (headline)